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Sunday Reflections Button

Is anyone struggling to accept the fact that the end of 2021 is less than three months away? I’m not ready to start shopping for the holidays, but given the shipping delays and general shortages, it means I better shake off that particular malaise and start planning. How about you?

So, what’s all the news that’s fit to print?

Jim is busy. So very, very busy. When he’s not answering his never-ending email, he’s on a call. If he’s not on a call, he’s reviewing data. And that is when he is actually home. He’s been traveling on average two weeks out of every month. Thankfully, he loves his job, so it doesn’t feel like work to him.

Meanwhile, Holly is in the middle of her senior year, balancing poms, dance, work, college applications, student council, Spanish club, Mock Trial, and yearbook/newspaper. When I say she is never home, it is not hyperbole, but I’ve never seen her so happy. She admits to being tired, but she is enjoying every minute of it – watching her friends at their various activities, attending away games, and squeezing out every aspect of being a high school student she can. Her plans for next year are still nebulous. She has a list of eight or nine colleges and universities to which she wants to apply, and we still have at least two college visits we want to accomplish. The plan is to finish all this up before December so that we can enter the dance competition season without that hanging over her head. It is so exciting and yet so bittersweet – although I’m trying not to dwell on that.

As for me, I’m still putting in my four hours of work daily and am focusing on getting healthy. This past month has been all about much-delayed doctors’ visits. Not having insurance for six months and not being able to see a doctor before that means I have a lot of check-ups to attend, blood to draw, and health to improve. So far, I was able to up my SSRI dose since my OCD compulsions were getting worse and I was struggling with increased anxiety. I feel much better after three weeks, so now I can focus on my physical health. My most recent bloodwork was a bit of a wake-up call, so now I’m looking for a personal trainer and facing a lifetime of statins.

Ironically, just as I want to start getting more active, I also started physical therapy for chronic tendinosis in my elbow. I have had bouts of tendonitis off and on over the past year – too much time on my phone or holding my Kindle at an odd angle. Two months ago, I had a flare-up that got worse and worse no matter what I did. After not being able to do something as simple as clasp a bra or hold a pillow, I went to an orthopedic who showed me all the damage to my tendon through an ultrasound. The pain means no cross-stitch, limited typing, watching my posture while on my phone and reading, and minimizing baking or cooking. I’ve gotten very good at vacuuming with my opposite arm, but everything else remains an exercise in frustration and pain. Still, I have my daily stretches and bi-weekly PT, and I hope to see some sort of improvement soon.

Jim saw Connor for the first time in over a year two weeks ago, and they tried to hash out some of the issues that have been plaguing us for this past year. I don’t see Connor talking to me any time soon, as he still sees me as being too harsh on him with too high expectations. They left it that Connor was going to seek therapy to work on himself while going into no contact with us until he felt he was able to reach out to us without anxiety or anger. It is frustrating and very upsetting. When Jim told me, I had more than a few moments of sobbing and at least one day of wallowing. Still, as long as he seeks help outside of medication, I remain hopeful that he will come back to us one day. Now, I just hope that day is before Holly graduates. I don’t want him to miss that simply because he hasn’t worked through his issues with us.

That’s about it for now. I occupy myself reading, doing what little cleaning I can, what little cooking I can, and listening to audiobooks. The dogs and I are getting a lot of quality time together, as afternoon naps are common and always appreciated. As I start to feel more like myself, I do hope to start writing more often as well.

If anyone has any helpful hints for hiring a personal trainer, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, I hope you all are healthy and happy and keeping busy in these insane times!

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