When I set upon my word for the year, I knew that becoming WHOLE was not going to be easy. In fact, I knew it would take me almost the entire year to get there, and that is okay. Every conscious decision I make is one step closer to where I want to be. So, just how am I doing on this journey and with the conscious decisions I make?
I am definitely struggling in this journey. I know what I have to do. I know what I should be doing. I just cannot do it. I cannot get off my ass to go for a walk. I consciously make poor food choices. I don’t know what I can tell myself to change this. The intent is there. The desire is there. The execution is not.
As part of the self-reflection portion of this journey, I do recognize that I do not do well without a schedule or when my schedule is severely disrupted. All of these weekends where I was gone, all of the week nights I spent at the studio or at track practice instead of at home catching up on what I missed getting done during the weekends have really put me off my stride. I have struggled since the beginning of April to catch up on paperwork, online work, chores, errands, etc. I am exhausted, stressed, and just hoping to stay sane through the end of the dance season on July 1st.
Still, this is NO excuse. There are things I could be doing and should be doing but choose not to. I know this. I am frustrated by it but obviously not frustrated enough to change the decisions I make. I know Jim is frustrated. The kids are frustrated. I know I am letting them down as well as letting myself down. And yet…when it comes time to make those decisions, I don’t care.
So, that is where I am. I read all of this stuff about taking it one meal at a time, one minute at a time. I read articles that are supposed to help motivate me every single day, but their inspiration does not stick. I have not found that one thing that does. I am not certain what, if anything, will.
I am frustrated but I haven’t given up entirely. As we reach the end of the school year and the weekend and weeknight obligations come to an end, I should be in a better state of mind. Plus, I know all it takes is one good choice at a time. So, if I can do it one day at a time, one choice at a time, I am making progress. I will make progress. I will do this.
How did you do last month?