When I set upon my word for the year, I knew that becoming WHOLE was not going to be easy. In fact, I knew it would take me almost the entire year to get there, and that is okay. Every conscious decision I make is one step closer to where I want to be.
January was all about baby steps and setting the stage for future growth. I joined a gym as a step towards getting physically healthy. I started making a concerted effort to cook more real food for my family. I have started meditating again and journaling more regularly for spiritual health.
The biggest step I took was getting a complete physical and talking to my doctor about some of my ongoing depression issues. My doctor saw and heard enough to be concerned, and I am now in the process of switching anti-depressants. This is the first week on my new medication, so I should hopefully start feeling better in the next few weeks. However, getting to this point has been a struggle. Jim has been on business trips almost the entire time, so I’ve been the single mom and sole driver for all of the kids’ activities. So far, through sheer stubbornness and a complete refusal to let this beat me, I have made it to work every day, but some days the energy required to get out of bed and go to work is all I have for the day. The kids have been so great, ignoring when I snap at them or appear irrational, but that makes me feel even guiltier that they have to deal with this. Needless to say, that gym membership is not being used right now, much to my husband’s chagrin. However, I always knew I had to get mentally healthy before I could work on my physical health. As I said, I knew this was going to be a long journey.
As for physical health, another little tidbit about which my doctor informed me is the not-so-shocking fact that my cholesterol is sky high. This is not new. It is due to crappy genes and is totally hereditary. I could cut out all animal products from my diet and still have high cholesterol. Unlike the last time my doctor tried to convince me to go on statins to lower my cholesterol, I am more mentally prepared to do so and better educated so that I can avoid the side effects which caught me by surprise. This is a good thing and one small step in the right direction.
I have a long way to go before I am the mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy, complete, centered, calm, and at peace person I want to be. I still have irrational moments that mortify me after I calm down (as happened this weekend), and my first response to almost everything is one of anger. However, I feel comfortable with the steps I have made and will continue to make healthy decisions for my mind, body, and spirit.