When I set upon my word for the year, I knew that becoming WHOLE was not going to be easy. In fact, I knew it would take me almost the entire year to get there, and that is okay. Every conscious decision I make is one step closer to where I want to be.
January was all about baby steps and setting the stage for future growth. I joined a gym as a step towards getting physically healthy. I started making a concerted effort to cook more real food for my family. I have started meditating again and journaling more regularly for spiritual health.
The biggest step I took was getting a complete physical and talking to my doctor about some of my ongoing depression issues. My doctor saw and heard enough to be concerned, and I am now in the process of switching anti-depressants. This is the first week on my new medication, so I should hopefully start feeling better in the next few weeks. However, getting to this point has been a struggle. Jim has been on business trips almost the entire time, so I’ve been the single mom and sole driver for all of the kids’ activities. So far, through sheer stubbornness and a complete refusal to let this beat me, I have made it to work every day, but some days the energy required to get out of bed and go to work is all I have for the day. The kids have been so great, ignoring when I snap at them or appear irrational, but that makes me feel even guiltier that they have to deal with this. Needless to say, that gym membership is not being used right now, much to my husband’s chagrin. However, I always knew I had to get mentally healthy before I could work on my physical health. As I said, I knew this was going to be a long journey.
As for physical health, another little tidbit about which my doctor informed me is the not-so-shocking fact that my cholesterol is sky high. This is not new. It is due to crappy genes and is totally hereditary. I could cut out all animal products from my diet and still have high cholesterol. Unlike the last time my doctor tried to convince me to go on statins to lower my cholesterol, I am more mentally prepared to do so and better educated so that I can avoid the side effects which caught me by surprise. This is a good thing and one small step in the right direction.
I have a long way to go before I am the mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy, complete, centered, calm, and at peace person I want to be. I still have irrational moments that mortify me after I calm down (as happened this weekend), and my first response to almost everything is one of anger. However, I feel comfortable with the steps I have made and will continue to make healthy decisions for my mind, body, and spirit.
Sounds like you are on the right track. My sister suffers from depression that requires medication and has found that she has to change her meds periodically. It makes such a difference in her ability to care about getting to the gym and eating better. I hope you start to get the help you need from the new meds soon!
It never dawned on me that I would have to switch meds, but it makes sense. Like anything else, you do build up a tolerance to it after a while.
I am finally feeling MUCH better. Even my girlfriend said she noticed I look happier. I am so thankful to be on the other side of that transition.
Good for you for taking charge. And being a single parent for stretches of time (as I’ve said before) is SO tough.
Thanks, Sarah!
We are always at the end of the soup line, aren’t we? My new insurance and health provider is a stickler for treating the cause and not so much the illness so even though I have gone only two times, both for my foot, they have already pegged me as a blood pressure class candidate and they want to send me for nutritional counseling. My BP can go up at the drop of a hat but when I come from work it’s always high. Even with meds. So although I kept saying but my foot…they gave me a lecture about stroke and heart attack and they don’t even know about my lupus yet!
My coworker exercises and is the most fit looking person on the planet but she has horrible cholesterol numbers and diabetes. Heredity can suck that way but when she exercises every day, her numbers come down quite a bit without meds. Every day is hard but I guess dying would be worse.
My 30 year reunion is this Sept and I am trying to lose another 20 lbs. I think I can do it pretty easily. I am not a bad eater but I hate to exercise. I always say that I will take dance classes again when I get skinny. Ha!
Oh, my blood pressure was sky-high when I was at the doctor’s office the last time. She didn’t say anything about it though, which surprised me. I have to go back for a check-up on the anti-depressants and the statins in just over a month. I will be curious what it is then and if she mentions it.
My dad, from whom I inherited my shitty cholesterol used to exercise every day. He went on a strict, no-fat diet too, and the numbers did not budge. I am hoping that eventually, once I lose weight, my numbers will fall naturally. I know that my weight is not helping the situation, but I have to start losing weight first. I have almost fifty pounds to lose; I would be ecstatic with forty. It means going to the gym and actually exercising. I hope I can find something I love that keeps me motivated.
It’s tough deciding to take care of ourselves, isn’t it? And I don’t even have a kiddo at home anymore and haven’t for years. I’m so happy to hear about the steps you’ve taken to move toward your ‘whole’ self. One day at a time. You are at a very busy, stressful time of life and that counts. Makes it harder. You’ll get to the gym membership. I know it. Be kind to you and do whatever it is that is just for you – meditation, yoga, reading completely fun novels, bubble baths…you can fill in the rest. Take care and include us in your journey. It’s encouraging for us and also helps us be supportive. Hugs!!
Thank you so much, Kay! I really appreciate the support. It means so much to me!
It sounds like you’re moving in the right direction! 🙂
I am trying! That’s what this one-word journey is all about, right?
Good for you ,your taking all the right steps .you have to be brave to be honest&say I need help&then go get it.The gym will be there I don’t know anyone who hasn’t joined a gym&ended up not using it as much as they thought or never,Hang in there.
Thanks, Rhonda! I am hoping that if the medication works like it should, the gym membership will be well-used and worth every penny. I just need that all-important energy to kick in.
You’ve taken some big steps already and that’s wonderful. It will definitely take time, but just getting it out there and making the efforts you’re making is huge. You are an incredible woman and you’ll get through this as you have everything, but you’ll be a stronger and happier woman when you do!
Thanks, Brandie! I think the struggle is just beginning. I have a lot of weight to lose, and that is the next part of this journey.