Let me let you in on a little secret – I don’t feel like a blogger anymore. Weird, right? I mean, I continue to post reviews and updates. I’ve been participating in several seasonal events and in general have been more active in the blogosphere than I have in a long time. Yet, I don’t feel like I am a part of the changing culture. Newer bloggers have firmly embraced blog hops and readathons and a million other ways to attract readers that I still do not quite understand. Veteran bloggers seem to be evolving and moving onto bigger and better things – freelance writing, becoming published, becoming an agent, creating their own social media businesses, creating new events/websites/blogging goodness. Then there’s me.
It makes me happy to see so many excited new bloggers. I giggle over their enthusiasm and questions, remembering all too well what it was like for me when I first started. I am absolutely *thrilled* that my veteran bloggers are going out there and taking over the world of print. There is even a part of me that would love to do something similar, until I realize that I do not have the time, the experience, the expertise, or even the desire to start doing any of these things.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love to write my reviews. I love posting updates about my family and my life beyond books. The loyal readers I have and the bloggers with whom I interact the most have become some of my closest friends, having supported me throughout this whirlwind of a year. But it doesn’t feel like blogging. There is no effort there. I write reviews at work on my lunch breaks and do minimal work in the evenings or weekends. I have posts scheduled two weeks in advance. I have enough books to last me a lifetime, and I continue to be excited to read each and every one of them. However, I wasn’t really interested in participating in BBAW this year, I skipped over the Bloggiesta festivities, am rather meh about the upcoming Dewey’s 24-hour readathon, and the thought of planning Armchair BEA for next year leaves me cold. A year ago, I wouldn’t have felt this way.
Recently, I’ve begun thinking of what it would be like if I were to stop blogging. I have no desire to do so because I don’t feel like I’ve truly read a novel until I share my thoughts about it with the world. It is rather like daydreaming about a hypothetical scenario. How much would my life really change if I were to stop? Honestly, not much because it takes up so little of my time. I would still read. I would still visit other blogs. I would still talk on Twitter, interact on Facebook and hang around all of the other social networking sites I frequent. I would still stay in contact with my personal little blogging community. So what’s different? Why this disconnect with the overall community and…dare I say…dissatisfaction?
I know most bloggers would be thrilled to be as organized, as scheduled, and as methodical as I am, so why do I feel so apathetic about blogging these days? I’m obviously not quite as uninterested as I feel. And yet. Is it the crazy-ass schedule my family is on this school year that has me craving something more? Is it my husband’s travel schedule? Is it my job that keeps me busy even if I don’t get to use my brain as much as I would like? Is it the lack of effort in blogging that is causing me to feel so disconnected? Is it a symptom of something else?
Has anyone ever felt this way, about blogging or anything else in life? How did you combat this apathy?