I love my husband. He is my best friend, the person to whom I can and do share everything. I can survive without him around, but I feel whole when he is. I support him in whatever he does and just want him to be happy. I even practically pushed him out the door when we got the phone call from his sister to update him on his father’s status, prompting the emergency trip to Texas.
Yet, I cannot help but resent the fact that the few minutes I have had each day to talk to him, he’s done nothing but talk about his father rather than check up on Holly and me. That he will most likely be gone for our 13th wedding anniversary this Sunday. That he will come back for a week before leaving again for another week for a business trip. I’m lonely, not sleeping well, and feel like a part of me is missing.
I am an awful person for feeling like this. Jim has a duty to help his family during this time of crisis. I know this and love the fact that he rushed down to Texas to be with his family. And yet…I want my husband back. I want my family back.
Yes, we are still crazy about each other. Ours is one of those relationships most people only wish they had. We might bicker and fight occasionally, but we can't be apart for very long. Even when he was in Bosnia for a year, we both were extremely lonely and depressed. It's a good problem to have!
You are *not* a bad person. Love is such a confusing thing. We want time to ourselves to be individuals but, by god, do we miss him/her when they're away. Who knew that heartache really was physical?
Chin up, hunny.
Obviously I know I'm replying to this a little late but I really admire the fact that you guys have been together for 13 years and are still clearly crazy about each other.
That is a great way to explain it! Thanks!
You're not a bad person! How lucky you are to love your husband so much that after 13 years it's still so painful to have him gone.
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Thanks! You're right, of course. It is difficult to separate feelings from the truth, and I just want to support him because what he's going through with his father and family is worse than me feeling sorry for myself. He's coming back on Sunday, so I imagine we'll be having a talk at some point in time.
It is, but I can wallow if left too long to my own devices. Jim told Holly tonight that he was coming back on Sunday, so only a few more days of being alone.
By the way, it doesn't make you a bad person to have feelings of loneliness. It's perfectly normal
Thanks, Florinda! I'm better today. It helps that the weekend is almost here, no matter if he comes home or not.
Thanks, Melissa! Blogging is wonderful, not only as an outlet for your thoughts, but also because of the community. We all come together in support and encouragement. It truly is an amazing thing!
Thanks, Katrina! Thankfully, my children are older. I can't imagine having to take care of a 2 month old and a 20 month old without support! You are proof that I can and will get through this…
Thanks, Dana! Yes, it shall pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later!
Thanks, Jen! We all need our alone time and once a day is not too much to ask, in my opinion. I'll keep chugging through because that's what I do.
Thanks, Serena! I know he is going to try to get back on Sunday, but we shall see. His father is priority right now. I just need to get over this melancholy…
…just hugs…hang in there, this valley shall give way to a plateau then you'll be atop a mountain again soon…
~
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You are not a bad person. I know I feel like a bad person each day when I tell my daughter I have to go do work, and part of me is relived to have some time alone. Bad people don't recognize these negative thoughts-good people still have them, we just do our best to keep chugging through! I hope your family gets back to normal soon!
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Keep hanging in there. I'm sure that he loves and misses you to. Men have a hard time with emotional stress and often forget that the other person is dealing with their absence and other things while they are in the crux of the situation with their family. I think he'll surprise you on that anniversary somehow and all will be better.