The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect on everything that has happened over the past twelve months. I’ve mentioned before that I feel 2009 was probably one of the most fun, most powerful, most enlightening years I have ever experienced. When I think of how I started the year and where I am now, I marvel at the changes that have occurred in my life and, more importantly, within me.
I started out the year with six months left in my MBA. I had a boss I detested and was absolutely miserable in my job. I was even revising my resume and had taken steps to start looking for a new job because I knew no one should be that miserable. I questioned my ability to do anything. I deferred to my husband more often than I should have. I was angry and unhappy.
Shortly after the new year, I started blogging. It took me a while to get comfortable with it and to discover/decide just how I wanted to manage it. I struggled with the idea of being popular and getting lots of followers versus staying true to my interests. I had to decide what and how often I wanted to post. As I got more comfortable with blogging in general, I started feeling comfortable playing with the code to make my blog truly mine. I threw away the desire to be popular and focused on writing what I wanted and when. I stopped apologizing for my opinions and no longer hesitated to share negative and positive book reviews. In general, I created an electronic mirror of who I truly am.
Simultaneously, I started participating in a personal development course at work. The first exercise was a 360-degree evaluation, where friends and co-workers and managers rated me. It was a very painful but eye-opening experience to see just what others thought of me. I followed this exercise up with another one that also required my co-workers to define me using adjectives. Again, it was quite the experience. The rest of the year followed along the same vein. Every month required me to take a look at who I am, my relationships with others, my core values, what items about which I refuse compromise, and so forth. One of the most powerful exercises I did for this group was the StrengthFinders quiz, where I found out just what my strengths are. This quiz (and reading the book to help analyze the results) single-handedly helped me understand just what makes me tick. I cannot begin to express how empowering this knowledge is.
I received my MBA in June and felt a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulder. I took a few months off and decided that it was time for me to take the next step on proving to myself that I was capable of in the business world. I studied for and sat for the first two of four exams to become a Certified Management Accountant (CMA). The relief and power I feel upon passing each section and the knowledge that I am accomplishing something so rare and unusual makes the stress worth it in the end.
Added to that, I finally took ownership of my anger issues. I got tired of constantly yelling at my husband and blowing up at my children. I hated endangering my relationships with my friends because I could not get my anger under control. I went to the doctor and discovered that hormones truly were affecting me as badly as I thought they were and have been working with my doctor to get that under control. That has helped tremendously, but I still was struggling. I started researching meditation and finally took a meditation course in December. The changes in my mental state, even after four weeks, is almost unbelievable.
If I were to define 2009 for me, it would be one of self-discovery. I started out the year an emotional wreck – unhappy and not in control. I end the year calm, happy and relaxed. I have a sense of self-confidence that I have never felt before in my life. I am not afraid to express who I am and my opinions. I no longer worry about what others think and rather worry about what I can control. I am empowered, content, and not afraid to stand up for ideals and values that are truly important to me. I no longer get bogged down in the details but rather look towards the big picture because in the end, the big picture is more important than the details. I feel that I am a better wife, mother, friend, co-worker, and most importantly, a better person than I was a year ago. I could not ask for a better year and can’t wait to see what 2010 holds for me.
Life is awesome.
Thanks, Jodie! It has been a year full of turmoil in the blogging world, hasn't it? I'm hoping that 2010 is better for everyone!
Savvy Working Gal – Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Knowing that I've touched people's lives in any way, people with whom I would never have been in contact prior to the Internet continues to amaze me, especially when I put myself out there and give reviews that may not be the most flattering. I credit Now, Discover Your Strengths as the turning point in the year, the point where I realized what was happening to me and when I firmly embraced the changes and the knowledge I was getting from others.
I'm glad 2009 was such an enlightening year for you, you're probably one of the few bloggers who has had a positive 2009 – good for you!
Michelle,
FYI, I found your blog searching for reviews of Now, Discover Your Strengths. I realized you worked in a field similar to mine (accounting) and were a book blogger, so I marked your sight for further review. Once I read a couple of your honest book reviews, I became a permanent follower.
This is an amazing post. Thanks for sharing
Michelle – Thank you! I do think blogging was a tremendous help in becoming more self-aware and gaining the confidence to put my opinions out there for the world to read. It can be scary, but at the same rate, the book blogging community has been so welcoming that it eliminated some of the fear immediately.
Thanks, Stacy! I can't wait to see what 2010 holds!
I'm glad that you found 2009 to be one of great personal growth in so many areas. I think that is where we should reflect most when thinking of where we started and ended a year. Books and blogging obviously play a huge role in how we do that as well but on a different level to be sure.
I wish you much success in the new year!
What a year for you! I hope 2010 brings all the changes you are looking for as well as the continued acceptance of who you are. Which is pretty great 🙂
Thank you, Katrina!
Kristy – Thank you! I'm working on a post about my meditation once for January. I've been hesitant to post anything for fearing of being considered weird or completely granola. But I can't deny that it has helped me in the few short weeks I've been practicing it. I'm going to tie it in with formal yoga classes starting in January too. I can't wait!
Thanks, Suey!! 😉
Thank you, Diane! It was a great year – the type where I had to reflect and share on all the changes that have occurred within me since the beginning of it. I can't wait to see what 2010 holds!
Thank you so much for your support throughout the year!!
Thank you, Molly! The peer evaluation was tough, listening to others tell me that I was opinionated and stubborn, rude and inflexible was not the easiest thing to hear. I will be voluntarily soliciting similar feedback this year to see whether I have improved or not. I feel that I have, but in these sorts of things, it is what others perceive.
Once I get up enough courage, I am going to be doing a post on meditation and yoga. I'm starting my yoga classes in January and can't wait to see how much it helps once yoga is tied with the meditation. I personally recommend both, as I've seen so much improvement already.
Thank you for your support this year!
You've certainly had a very busy and successful year.I've enjoyed reading your blog. Best wishes for 2010.
What a brave, honest post. I'm sure you'll have an even more amazing 2010. Post more on your meditation practice when can or are comfortable doing so. I've considered taking a class, but haven't taken the leap yet. I'm going back to yoga on Monday. Have a great 2010.
Sounds wonderful! Way. To. Go. 🙂
Michelle, it sure sounds like an introspective year for you, and one that ended with you happier with yourself than when it began. I hope 2010 is a good one for you.
Hope that you have a Happy and Healthy New Year. May all they books that your read in 2010 be terrific.
WOW — I am nearly speechless after reading this very personal post, and yet I have such admiration for you. To undergo that kind of evaluation from peers is very difficult, I am sure; I am not sure that I can hear honest opinions about myself 🙂
I need to discover ways to relax myself. I do not necessarily have anger issues, but I find I become frustrated at the drop of a hat. I am hoping to learn some yoga techniques that might help.
It sounds like you are well on your way to a glorious 2010, and I look forward to following your posts.