That's right, folks. Yesterday, I made a friend cry. Today, I find out that even though I have been truly inspiring to watch, amazingly helpful and energetic, totally organized, passionate, and have completely embraced the ideas behind the group, I was passed over as the next group leader for my women's networking and development group at work. The reason? My body language during the first few sessions was not exactly "welcoming to all of the members". ***blink, blink*** Ouch!
What's worse? I mention this to a friend of mine who is in the group with me. Her method of making me feel better was to tell me that it is okay that I'm not going to be the next co-leader because I am essentially an absentee parent and I need to spend more time with my kids. ***sniff, sniff, wiping eyes*** Double ouch! I know she meant well with the comment and was joking and laughing when she said it, but it definitely struck a nerve and had me grabbing a tissue to wipe away the tears.
See, I'm okay with not getting the leadership position. Would I have been fabulous at it? Heck yeah! But I'm not good around others. I'm either very shy and completely withdrawn or I force my opinions down peoples' throats. It is a flaw about which I am very aware and towards which I have put forth tremendous energy and self-awareness to help improve. And honestly, I HAVE gotten better. But the leadership position was a stretch position for me, a learning opportunity to help me figure out if I ever want to be a manager rather than continue in my individual contributor role.
But, the crack about my parenting? Even made in jest, it still hurt because it is a concern I have myself. I mean, I've been in school or studying for exams for the entire lifespan of my daughter. She's never known me NOT to have homework to do. My son only faintly remembers a time where I didn't have homework of some sort. While I always tried to minimize the time I spent doing homework while they were awake, I know that I wasn't always successful. Lack of sleep because of late nights doing homework while they were sleeping made me quick to anger and may have made me not the best mom ever. While my children have always come first, I remain concerned that I didn't always show them that as well as I could have. Being an "absentee parent" is a sore point for me, and she found the bruise and pushed...hard.
Funny how something that was supposed to make you feel better actually ends up making you feel worse somehow.
On a lighter note, I found another article which would have been very helpful for me last week:
"Walnuts offered to students for pre-exam 'brain food'" I'm trying to devise a breakfast on Friday that will let me capitalize on this!
I hope everyone had a better Tuesday than I did!
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